dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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