oh god the rape fog is back!
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
