Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
