My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
