woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
