TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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