Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
