So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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