He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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