i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
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Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
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Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
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