ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize