Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
a search helicopter?!
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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