There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
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I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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