we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
