just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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