just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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