i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
