I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
