I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
All the doctor said was why
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
