Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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