I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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