so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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