From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize