Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
