Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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