The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
