so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
