I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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