I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
