I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
