it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
