are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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