Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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