I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
