I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i think i have two assholes
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
