I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
