Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
