ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
