you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
