please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
