At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
