hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
