the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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