everyone is single if you try hard enough
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
