I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
