You're completely useless in the revolution.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
