I hate all girls vehemently.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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