Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize