hell yes lets make some ravioli
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
