I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
