I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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