Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
