WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
