I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
