I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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