But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
