Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
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I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
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Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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