Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
