Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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