the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
